So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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