porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
