Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
