i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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