he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
