hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
