the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
