yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
