Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
