i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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