i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
