i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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