did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
