ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
