The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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