I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
