So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
