Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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