dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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