Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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