so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
