his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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