You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
