Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ketchup is God's man juice
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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