In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
