fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
