explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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