goodnight i made you a song goodbye
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
