My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
