everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We got so high we made milksteak
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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