just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
