God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
