Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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