dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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