Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
