Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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