I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
