I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
3pm strippers are depressing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
