I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
