Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
