he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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