My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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