Sry I called you an 8
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
