Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
mondays should just be called national damage control day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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