Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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