Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
