Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
