im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
