Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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