Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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