We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
